The Academy Awards have yet again come and gone, leaving me in a state of whimsy and depression. Gone are the months of fabulous fashions, hits and misses, millions of dollars of jewels loaned out to people who really don’t need them…months of unnecessary self gratification, millionaires handing out gold statues to other millionaires, and hot skinny b*tches eyeing the shit out of each other’s dresses.
That ho is wearing the Marchesa I wanted!
So alas, we must end the season with one last round of the best and worst fashions on the red carpet at the Oscars.
Viola Davis in Vera Wang
Although Viola was robbed of her Oscar by a woman who probably no longer has room on her mantle for another trophy (we’re looking at you Meryl) she killed the entire awards season this year in every dress she chose. This green Vera was beautiful against her skin, and I’m going to say it- her boobs looked awesome.
Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen
This dress is another shining example of why McQueen will always stand out on the red carpet. It fits her like a glove, the pattern is divine down to every last stitch, and there was nothing else like it on the carpet.
Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
FINALLY! Michelle has the tendency to wear frumpy, vintage, florals on the red carpet, and this time around it looks like her best friend Busy Phillips finally got the courage to bitch slap some sense into her ass and get her into this gorgeous Louis. It was perfection.
Sandra Bullock in Marchesa
Sandra, after your Oscar win and that beautiful dress, this is what it has come to?! Fire, your, stylist. This dress makes you look like the left tackle for the Steelers.
Rooney Mara in Givenchy
I love Rooney Mara, and normally I’m a fan of her red carpet choices, but this dress washes her out and makes her boobs look like someone took a bite out of the bottom of them.
Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad
I honestly think Jennifer looks gorgeous, she always does- that skin, that body, her face is perfection and still doesn’t look botoxy (how does she do it?!) But she’s trying way too hard. It’s tight, it’s see through white, and there’s a nip slip waiting to happen. You’re 42 with a hot body, but it’s time to stop acting 22.